


Secretly a Sex God

by faequeentitania



Category: Agents of Cracked, Cracked - Ambiguous Fandom, Cracked.com
Genre: Anal Sex, First Time, M/M, Secretly a Sex God
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-22
Updated: 2016-12-22
Packaged: 2018-09-11 01:25:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8947681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faequeentitania/pseuds/faequeentitania
Summary: When they had the threesome, Dan was a fumbling wreck. This time, Michael's legs can't stop shaking and his head may have actually exploded again. He'd figure out if the second part was true when he stopped marveling at the fact that Dan was the one who had did this to him.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I just love the idea that Dan is naturally gifted in bed and it just blows Michael's mind. Dan never gets the opportunity to top in fic, either, so it was time for him to get his chance to shine.

“Dude, _what_ the _hell_?!”

Michael was staring at the ceiling, and he was pretty sure his legs were never going to stop shaking.

“What?” Dan asked, concern clear in his voice, “What did I do? Did I hurt you?”

“If by ‘hurt’ you mean ‘ruined for other men’ then, yeah, you ‘hurt’ me.”

“Oh- ah- pft- I mean-”

Michael rolled his head to the side to look at him, and Dan was blushing from the top of his head to the middle of his chest.

Adorable.

“Okay but seriously, dude,” Michael frowned, “You were _not_ that good when we had that threesome with Kelly Wheeler, how the hell?”

Dan put his hands over his face and gave a little, mortified moan.

“Michael, come on...”

“East coast magic? Demon deal? _Are you actually a robot who downloaded the Kama Sutra into his hard drive brain?!_ ”

Dan chortled, letting his hands fall down to his sides and looking over at Michael with an amused grin.

“Really?”

“Anything’s possible, Dan.”

“Yeah, actually, I guess it is...” Dan said thoughtfully, clearly thinking of T-Bone and B-Tone, “But anyway, I promise you I'm not a robot.”

“Then _how_. How did you go from a fumbling nerd who could barely keep it up to a fucking sex god?”

“Sex god?” Dan repeated, a pleased, happy grin spreading across his mouth, “That good, huh?”

“You know it was, don't change the subject,” Michael wagged a finger at him, and Dan’s smile got even wider, “Spill the beans, O’Brien.”

Dan chuckled, then shrugged, “I dunno, I guess this was just different.”

“Why?”

“Well,” Dan sighed, thinking, “The Kelly thing... it took me off guard, I guess. Got me flustered so I wasn't really at my best.”

“Aw,” Michael grinned, “Surprise sex equals performance anxiety, noted.”

“Oh god,” Dan groaned, covering his face again, “Stop talking, Michael.”

“You gotta better use for my mouth, baby?” Michael licked his lips lewdly, and Dan’s embarrassed blush came flooding back. What a cutie.

“We _literally_ just had sex.”

“So?” Michael shrugged, smiling, “We’ve got three years of UST to cash in.”

“UST?”

“Unrequited Sexual Tension, Dan!”

“Oh jeez-” Dan chortled, “Wait- _three years_ , really? That's my entire time at Cracked.”

“Duh,” Michael grinned.

Dan’s smile faltered, and Michael could sense Serious Thinking happening in Dan’s brain.

“You’ve really wanted me that long?”

“Pretty sure that was obvious to everybody but you, Danny-boy.”

Dan was looking at him funny, and Michael sighed dramatically.

“Are you going to get weird on me, Dan?”

“No, no,” Dan said hurriedly, “I'm just... you’re always surprising me, that's all.”

“Well, just don't let it affect your dick, alright? Jesus, Dan, look at my legs. I'm _still_ shaking, you absolute dick.”

“I thought I was a sex god?” Dan grinned, and Michael definitely liked that much more than the Serious Thinking face.

“You are. But you’re also a dick. If you’ve paralyzed me from making me come too hard you’re going to have to push my wheelchair around, you know.”

“I don't think that’s actually possible.”

“Of course it is. Anything’s possible, Dan, remember?”

Dan giggled, rolling onto his side and pressing up against Michael to lay a kiss on his shoulder.

“Thanks, Michael.”

“For what?”

“For the compliments. It's surprisingly nice of you.”

“I'm not being nice, Dan, I'm being honest.”

“Yeah?” Dan smiled against his skin and pressed another kiss there, “What was your favorite thing that I did?”

“Are you spelunking for compliments, Dan?”

“Spelunking? What- nevermind. Yes. Little bit. Indulge me?”

Michael grinned, wiggling his arm away from Dan so he could loop it around his shoulders instead. Dan settled in against him more firmly, pillowing his head on Michael’s shoulder and stroking a hand over Michael’s torso.

It felt really nice, and Michael pressed his cheek to the top of Dan’s head and sighed.

“Only if you say the magic word, Dan.”

“Abracadabra?”

“No you dweeb, ‘please.’”

“Oh! Please?”

“Please what?”

“...please with a cherry on top?”

“‘Please Michael, love of my life,’ was the correct answer, Dan.”

Dan was still and silent, and it made Michael nervous all of a sudden. Nervous was a feeling he didn't usually feel, that was Dan’s ballpark.

“Dan?”

“Please, Michael, love of my life,” Dan said quietly, turning his head a little to kiss Michael’s skin, and Michael’s insides felt like they were on a rollercoaster. He had wanted to hear it, had asked for it, but actually hearing Dan say it...

He made himself refocus. Dan had wanted him to talk about sex, and sex was Michael’s favorite subject. This was not an opportunity to be missed.

Michael traced the edge of Dan’s shoulder blade, thinking.

“Just... dude, your _dick_. There’s not even anything special about it, but _holy shit_ you know how to use it, how the hell? Perfect angle, perfect pressure, perfect pace. Fuck, dude, I thought my head had exploded again. _Again_.”

Dan was blushing, Michael could feel it in the heat against his skin, but he could also feel Dan smiling, so that was a win.

“You’re so full of shit, Mike.”

“I am not! How dare you, see if I compliment you ever again.”

“You don't have to lie to stroke my ego, Michael, it's okay.”

“Dan.”

Michael shoved at his shoulder a little, trying to get Dan to look up at him. He did, raising his head from Michael’s shoulder slowly.

“Do you know me at all? Why the fuck would I build you up if you didn't deserve it? I fully expected to have to print up a shopping list of improvements for you, you nerd.”

Dan laughed in surprise, which was one of Michael’s favorite sounds. He put his head back down on Michael’s shoulder, rubbing his lips against Michael’s skin.

“Uh, well. Yeah, fair, actually. You love to insult me.”

“They’re not insults, Dan, they’re suggested improvements. I strive only to help.”

“Right,” Dan giggled stupidly, “But no improvements for this?”

“Yeah, here’s one, take it easy on me or I might die next time.”

Dan gave that surprised laugh again, and Michael smiled too, rubbing his hand against the soft, fuzzy hair on the back of Dan’s head.

Dan looked up, smiling sweetly, and Michael’s heart fluttered in response.

“Well.” Dan said matter-of-factly, “Considering you seem to be immortal, I don't think I really have to worry about that.”

His hand moved as he spoke, trailing down Michael’s chest to his dick. He was soft, but wouldn't be for long. Not with the way Dan was looking at him and the way he was curling those thick, warm fingers around him and stroking.

“You saucy minx,” Michael grinned with a sultry purr, and Dan laughed again, giving his hand a little squeeze around the head of Michael’s cock, “Ready for round two already? I thought you’d be a one and done pony.”

“Gee thanks,” Dan said dryly, “I can stop-”

“Don't you fucking dare,” Michael frowned, “How dare you.”

Dan grinned, and it was flirty and cute and Michael didn't even know Dan was capable of making that face. His whole worldview was shifting in the span of a single afternoon.

“Okay, okay,” Dan said placatingly, shifting up and out of Michael’s embrace, but that was okay because he was resettling on his knees between Michael's thighs and that couldn't ever be anything but an improvement.

Michael was back to hard again, shifting eagerly against the bed as Dan stroked his cock slow and methodical. Dan seemed fascinated, watching the skin bunch around the head of Michael’s cock on every up stroke.

“My dick’s going to be even more fun when it gets its turn to be in your ass, you know,” Michael grinned, and Dan looked found out, like a teenager caught with a Playboy.

“I-” Dan started, awkward and unsure, his grip loosening on Michael’s shaft and that simply _would not do_.

“Sadly,” Michael continued, “My legs still aren't working so you get the upper hand this time, Dan. Make me come like that again and I won't mind.”

Michael waggled his eyebrows with a flirty grin and Dan breathed out in a little puff, smiling. Dan’s Internal Crisis averted.

“Can I fuck you again?” Dan asked quietly, little kid asking for a cookie.

“I'd be insulted if you didn't,” Michael reassured him, and it was an honest-to-god effort to spread his pleasure-exhausted legs open a little further. Jesus, Dan was going to turn him into mush, what was he doing?

Dan’s gaze jumped down to between his legs, and Michael’s own gaze slid down to his partner’s cock. Dan was hard again too, without even a hand on him, and Michael couldn't help but be impressed by his eagerness.

Obviously Michael had an amazing ass, so he wasn't surprised Dan was excited to get back in there. But still.

Dan was still stroking his cock, slow and leisurely, but his other hand trailed up the inside of Michael’s thigh, gently petting. It was sweet and made tingles burst out over Michael’s skin, and he shuddered with a huffy breath.

Michael groaned when Dan scooted closer and hiked Michael’s thigh up higher. His hand moved from Michael’s cock to his hole, running his fingertip around the rim.

“Don't need that, just go for it,” Michael complained, and Dan looked up at his face.

“Think so?”

_This_ was what Michael was hoping for. The calm, measured look that Dan was leveling at him that made Michael’s insides a little wobbly.

He had only discovered that look about two hours ago, and he was already addicted and fascinated by it. Dan was never confident, it was a trademark quality of his, but that wasn't the guy between his legs now.

“Know so,” Michael smirked, and Dan quirked an eyebrow. Challenge accepted, he could see it in Dan’s eyes.

“Okay,” Dan said simply, hooking one arm under Michael’s knee and the other reaching for his own cock, guiding it to press against Michael’s hole.

He pushed in in a steady shove, until he was flush tight against Michael’s ass. Michael groaned, and Dan’s free hand stroked up Michael’s belly and to his chest before moving to hook under Michael’s other knee.

“Give it to me, baby,” Michael teased with a grin, and Dan chortled, but it wasn't flustered, it was flattered.

“Shut up, Michael.”

It was on the tip of his tongue, the challenge to _make me_ , but Dan; Dan was fucking dynamite. He pulled back and snapped back in, hiking Michael’s hips up into the perfect angle to make it _so fucking good_.

Michael was shaking in no time, holding tight to the edge of the mattress above his head and panting between all the groans and whimpers sneaking out of his throat against his will.

Dan was a natural talent in a way that should make porn stars jealous, and Michael was speaking from experience on that one.

It was utterly ridiculous, and Michael couldn't believe his life. Things always worked out for him, in the best possible way.

He gripped his cock and started jerking it, concentrating on the head to make pleasure rip up his spine.

“Fuck!” he gasped, back bowing as he came, hard enough to lock all his joints and freeze the breath in his lungs. Fucking perfect.

He opened his eyes as Dan curled over him, rhythm lost but fuck if it wasn't still good.

Dan made the hottest noise when he came, a strained groan that shuddered out of his lungs and puffed across Michael’s come-streaked belly.

Weakly Michael reached for Dan, wrapping his hand around the back of his neck and squeezing gently.

He felt like jello. But not the good kind, the kind that had been forgotten about in the back of the refrigerator for too long. Gloopy and a little melty and the colors running. He wanted to feel like this all the time.

Dan slowly pulled himself upright, and Michael’s hand slipped away to fall limply onto the bed.

“Alright?”

Michael couldn't believe his ears. _Dan_ was asking _him_ if he was alright?

“Jus’... fuckin’...” Michael slurred, motioning weakly for Dan to just come down here already, asshole.

A smile curled in the corners of Dan’s mouth, and he gently let Michael’s legs down and pulled out with care.

Always with the care. Michael wasn't used to that, being treated with gentleness and affection. Dan was showing him all kinds of new things.

Dan braced his arms on either side of Michael’s head, ducking his head down for a kiss. It was sweet and warm and made Michael’s heart feel like melted ice cream.

“You didn't die,” Dan pointed out, and Michael grinned.

“Just barely,” he whispered, and it was kind of true. Two intense orgasms within the span of an hour at the hands of the biggest nerd he knew felt like it should be the sign of the apocalypse, “My legs are _really_ never going to stop shaking now.”

Dan beamed, and it was truly gorgeous.

“Don't get cocky, nerd. Just you wait until it's your turn.”


End file.
